Alone

The last few days and weeks I've been struggling personally with my place in the world. Alone. A friend once told me that it's hard being single in a world built for couples...and that's how it's felt...until recently. 

Yesterday, I had a light bulb moment... inspired by words of a very close friend. I began to look at my life differently....from a new perspective. This poem is a very rough first draft of my feelings about my place in the world...

I didn't know
that this,
alone,
could be the gift.

I thought life was 
supposed to be 
about family
and marriage
about mothering 
about togetherness.

So 
I thought I'd failed.
Messed up.
I wondered
why me?
What's wrong with me?
Have I failed?
I'm alone...

Friends and family
promised that
He would come
Children would come
I'd be a wife 
and a mom.

But they didn't. 
They haven't.
I tried.
Have I failed?
I'm alone.

I prayed
and prayed.
My church family,
people of faith, 
vowed that God 
will give you the 
desires of your heart!

What if "supposed to be"
is wrong?
What if they're 
wrong?
What if I'm 
wrong?

What if God's 
right?

What if my gift...
my blessing
is my life
AS it is?
Alone!

What if I stopped looking?
What if I stopped waiting?
What if I stopped blaming?
What if I stopped crying?

What if I simply lived
and celebrated me
my life,
my alone-ness
as a blessing
as a joy
as it is!

©Michelle Haseltine, 2014

All Rights Reserved

My poem is certainly a work in progress! As I was working on it, I was reminded of another poem I'd heard, four years ago, about being alone. Here it is: How to be Alone...